Questions on Mourning

When parents first pass away, the filial son lets his hair hang loose, goes barefoot, tucks the hem of his robe into his belt, and wails with crossed hands. His heart is filled with grief and sorrow, pain reaching its utmost, injuring the kidneys, liver, and lungs. For three days he neither drinks water nor eats food, so neighbors cook thin gruel for him to drink. Because his heart is full of sorrow, his outward appearance also changes; pain is in his heart, so his mouth does not know good flavors, and his body is not at ease with comfort.

After three days, the lesser encoffining is performed. While the body is on the bed, it is called the corpse; when placed in the coffin, it is called the bier. When moving the body or lifting the bier, weeping and stamping have no fixed number. Grief, sorrow, and pent-up anguish fill the chest, so he loosens his upper garment and stamps his feet, thereby moving his body, calming his mind, and dispersing the stifled breath. Women are not suitable for loosening their upper garments, so they open their chests, beat their breasts, and stamp their feet, making a sound like a collapsing wall—this is the utmost expression of grief and pain. Thus it is said: "Beating the breast and stamping the feet, weeping and wailing in sorrow to see off the departed." Sending off the physical form, welcoming back the returning spirit.

During the funeral procession, the filial son gazes eagerly and urgently pursues, as if trying to catch up with the deceased but failing. When returning, he wails, his mind unsettled, as if seeking something but not finding it. Thus, when seeing off the coffin, he appears clinging and reluctant; when returning, he appears confused and uncertain.

Seeking but not obtaining, entering the gate but not seeing, ascending the hall but not seeing, entering the bedchamber but still not seeing. Truly gone! Truly lost! Never to be seen again! Therefore he weeps, beats his breast, and stamps his feet, until his grief is fully vented and then stops. His heart is filled with longing, sorrow, bewilderment, and emotion—heartbroken, cold, and in utmost pain. In the ancestral temple, he offers sacrifices, treating the deceased as a spirit, hoping that he might return by chance.

After the grave is filled and he returns, he dares not dwell in the inner chambers but lives in a simple lean-to hut, grieving that his loved one is still outside. He sleeps on straw mats and pillows on clods of earth, grieving that his loved one is buried in the soil. Thus he weeps at all times, observes mourning for three years, and his thoughts are filled with longing—this is the will of the filial son and the true expression of human emotion.

Someone asks: "Why is the body encoffined only after three days?" The answer: "When the filial son loses his parent, his grief is overwhelming, so he lies prostrate and wails, as if the parent might return to life. How could he forcefully seize the body for encoffining? Therefore it is said that encoffining after three days is done to wait for the deceased to revive; if after three days there is no revival, then truly they will not revive. The filial son's heart gradually calms, the household affairs and clothing and utensils can be prepared, and distant relatives can also arrive. Therefore the sage made this decision, establishing three days as the ritual regulation."

Someone asks: "Why do those who wear caps not loosen their upper garments?" The answer: "The cap is most honorable and cannot be placed on a body with loosened garments. Therefore, the 'exemption' is used instead."

Then, those who are bald do not use the 'exemption,' those who are hunchbacked do not loosen their upper garments, and those who are lame do not stamp their feet. It is not that they are not sorrowful, but they have physical infirmities and cannot fully perform the rites. Thus it is said: "Mourning rites take grief as their main element." Women weep in sorrow, beating their breasts in grief; men weep in sorrow, knocking their heads on the ground without regard for appearance—this is grief to the utmost.

Someone asks: "What is the 'exemption' made of?" The answer: "It is what those who do not wear caps wear. The Rites say: 'Children do not wear coarse hempen cloth for distant relatives; only those who manage household affairs wear it.' Those who wear coarse hempen cloth should wear the 'exemption'; those who manage household affairs should wear the 'exemption' and use a staff."

Someone asks: "What is the staff used for?" The answer: "The bamboo staff and the paulownia staff are the same. Therefore, for the father, a dark staff is used; the dark staff is made of bamboo. For the mother, a smoothed staff is used; the smoothed staff is made of paulownia wood."

Someone asks: "Why is the staff used?" The answer: "The filial son, having lost his parent, weeps without number, labors in mourning for three years, and his body becomes weak and ill. He uses the staff to support his ailing body. If the father is still alive, he dares not use the staff, because the honored one is present. In the hall, he does not use the staff, so as to avoid the honored one's place. In the hall, he does not walk quickly, indicating he is not in haste. This is the will of the filial son, the true expression of human emotion, and the constant norm of ritual and righteousness. It does not come down from heaven, nor does it spring up from the earth—it is merely human emotion."