The Meaning of the Wedding Ceremony

The wedding ceremony is a good deed that unites two families. It serves to venerate the ancestral temple above and to continue the lineage of descendants below. Therefore, the superior man regards it with great importance. Consequently, in the wedding rites—such as the proposal, inquiry of the bride’s name, divination of good fortune, presentation of betrothal gifts, and requesting the auspicious date—the host family sets up mats and tables in the ancestral temple, then welcomes the guests with a bow outside the gate. After entering, the host and guest bow and yield to each other as they ascend to the temple hall, where they receive the wedding instructions. This is done to express respect, caution, solemnity, and to rectify the wedding ceremony.

The father sets up a feast and performs a libation rite for his son, then commands him to go and welcome the bride. This signifies that the man takes precedence over the woman. The son receives his father’s command and goes to welcome the bride. The bride’s parents set up mats and tables in the ancestral temple, then welcome the son-in-law with a bow outside the gate. The son-in-law, holding a wild goose, enters the temple gate, and they bow and yield to each other as they ascend to the hall. After performing two prostrations, he places the wild goose on the ground, indicating that the bride has personally received the rite of giving and receiving from her parents. Then the son-in-law descends the hall, goes out the gate, and drives the bride’s carriage. He hands the mounting rope to the bride, drives the carriage forward three wheel-turns, then alights and waits outside the gate. When the bride arrives, the son-in-law bows to her and invites her to enter together. The newlyweds share a single food tray and drink from a single gourd, rinsing their mouths. This signifies that they become one body, without distinction of rank, and thus love each other.

Only after passing through the respectful, cautious, solemn, and rectified rites are the husband and wife allowed to love each other. This is the essence of ritual, and it is done to establish the distinction between male and female and to affirm the righteousness between husband and wife. Once the distinction between male and female is established, righteousness between husband and wife follows. Once righteousness between husband and wife is established, affection between father and son follows. Once affection between father and son is established, the proper order between ruler and minister follows. Therefore, it is said: “The wedding ceremony is the foundation of ritual.”

Ritual begins with the capping ceremony, takes the wedding ceremony as its foundation, is most solemn in funeral and sacrificial rites, is most honored in court audiences and diplomatic missions, and is most harmonious in the village drinking and archery rites. This is the general framework of ritual.

Early in the morning, the bride bathes and changes her clothes, waiting to pay respects to her parents-in-law. At daybreak, the ritual assistant presents the bride to her parents-in-law. The bride holds a bamboo basket containing dates, chestnuts, and dried meat as she pays her respects. The ritual assistant, on behalf of the parents-in-law, performs a sweet wine ceremony for the bride. The bride first offers sacrifices of minced meat and dried meat, then sacrifices the sweet wine. This completes the rite of becoming a daughter-in-law. The parents-in-law then enter the inner chamber, and the bride presents a young pig, signifying her compliance with the way of the wife. The next day, the parents-in-law jointly host a feast for the bride using the single-offering ceremony. After completing the rite of presenting the cup, the parents-in-law first descend the western steps; the bride then descends from the eastern steps. This indicates that she will eventually succeed her mother-in-law in managing the household.

Having fulfilled the rite of the daughter-in-law, demonstrated the compliance of the wife, and further indicated her succession to her mother-in-law by descending the eastern steps, the emphasis is placed on the duty of the wife’s compliance. The meaning of the wife’s compliance is: to obey her parents-in-law, to live in harmony with all other family members, and then to be fit to be matched with her husband, to complete tasks such as spinning hemp and silk, sewing cloth, and to carefully manage, store, and accumulate various goods. Therefore, when the principle of the wife’s compliance is complete, the internal household becomes harmonious and orderly. When the internal household is harmonious and orderly, the clan can endure for a long time. Hence, the sage kings placed great importance on this.

Thus, in ancient times, three months before a woman’s marriage, if the ancestral temple was still standing (i.e., not yet separated from the clan), she received education in the ruler’s palace chambers. If the ancestral temple had been removed, she received education in the clan leader’s temple. The content of her education included womanly virtue, womanly speech, womanly appearance, and womanly work. After the education was completed, a sacrifice was held to report to the ancestors. The sacrificial animal was fish, and the soup was made with duckweed and water plants. This was done to perfect the virtue of the wife’s compliance.

In ancient times, the Son of Heaven’s queen established the six palaces, three ladies, nine imperial consorts, twenty-seven assistant wives, and eighty-one attending wives to manage the internal governance of the realm, thereby manifesting and glorifying the wife’s compliance. Thus, the internal realm was harmonious and household governance was orderly. The Son of Heaven established the six ministries, three dukes, nine ministers, twenty-seven great officers, and eighty-one chief officers to manage the external governance of the realm, thereby manifesting and glorifying the teachings of manhood in the realm. Thus, the external realm was harmonious and state governance was orderly. Therefore, it is said: “The Son of Heaven manages the teachings of manhood; the queen manages the compliance of women. The Son of Heaven governs the way of yang; the queen governs the virtue of yin. The Son of Heaven handles external affairs; the queen handles internal duties. When teachings and compliance become custom, and when the internal and external are harmonious and compliant, the state can be well-governed. This is what is called ‘great virtue.’”

Therefore, if the teachings of manhood are not complete, the affairs of yang are not proper. This fault will manifest in celestial phenomena, and the sun will experience an eclipse. If the compliance of women is not cultivated, the affairs of yin are not proper. This fault will manifest in celestial phenomena, and the moon will experience an eclipse. Thus, when a solar eclipse occurs, the Son of Heaven dons plain robes, rectifies the duties of the six ministries, and purges the faults in the realm’s yang affairs. When a lunar eclipse occurs, the queen dons plain robes, rectifies the duties of the six palaces, and purges the faults in the realm’s yin affairs. Therefore, the relationship between the Son of Heaven and the queen is like that between the sun and moon, or yin and yang—they depend on each other to achieve their functions. The Son of Heaven cultivates the teachings of manhood; this is the way of the father. The queen cultivates the compliance of women; this is the way of the mother. Hence, it is said: “The Son of Heaven and the queen are like the father and mother.” Thus, wearing the three-year mourning garment for the Son of Heaven is the principle of mourning for the father. Wearing the one-year mourning garment for the queen is the principle of mourning for the mother.