Chapter 25: Wang Po Plots to Seduce Ximen Qing; The Adulteress Poisons Wu the Elder

Chapter 25: Mistress Wang Schemes to Entice Ximen Qing; the Adulteress Poisons Wu the Elder

Now as the story goes, Yun Ge, after being struck several times by Mistress Wang, had nowhere to vent his anger. Carrying his basket of snow pears, he headed straight for the street to find Wu the Elder. After turning down two lanes, he saw Wu the Elder approaching from the other end, carrying his load of cooked cakes on a pole. When Yun Ge saw him, he stopped and said, "I haven't seen you for a while—how have you gotten so fat?" Wu the Elder set down his load and replied, "I'm just the same as always. Where would I get the means to put on fat?" Yun Ge said, "The other day I wanted to buy some wheat bran, but I couldn't find any anywhere. Everyone said you had some at your place." Wu the Elder said, "I don't keep geese or ducks at home—where would I get wheat bran?" Yun Ge replied, "You say you have no wheat bran, but how have you managed to get so plump and round? Even if someone hung you upside down, it wouldn't matter, and if they boiled you in a pot, you'd have no breath left." Wu the Elder said, "You damned monkey, you're cursing me well! My wife doesn't steal men, so how could I be a duck?" Yun Ge said, "Your wife doesn't steal men—she only steals the man." Wu the Elder grabbed Yun Ge and said, "Give me back my master!" Yun Ge said, "I laugh at you—you can only grab me, but you won't bite off the thing on his left side." Wu the Elder said, "Good brother, tell me who it is, and I'll give you ten cooked cakes." Yun Ge said, "Cooked cakes won't do. Just play the host and treat me to three cups of wine, and then I'll tell you." Wu the Elder said, "You can drink? Come with me."

Wu the Elder shouldered his load, led Yun Ge to a small tavern, set down his load, took out a few cooked cakes, bought some meat, ordered a pitcher of wine, and invited Yun Ge to eat. The young lad said again, "Don't add any more wine, but cut a few more slices of meat." Wu the Elder said, "Good brother, just tell me now." Yun Ge said, "Don't be in a hurry. Let me finish eating first, and then I'll tell you. But don't get upset—I'll help you catch them myself." Wu the Elder watched the monkey finish the wine and meat, then said, "Now tell me." Yun Ge said, "If you want to know, feel the lumps on my head with your hand." Wu the Elder said, "How did you get these lumps?" Yun Ge said, "Let me tell you: Today I took this basket of snow pears to find Ximen Qing for a small favor, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Someone on the street said, 'He's in Mistress Wang's tea house, carrying on with Wu the Elder's wife. He goes there every day.' I hoped to earn thirty or fifty cash, but that old bitch Mistress Wang wouldn't let me into the room to find him. She beat me out with big cudgel blows. I came specially to find you. I used those two sentences to provoke you just now—if I hadn't provoked you, you wouldn't have asked me." Wu the Elder said, "Is this really true?" Yun Ge said, "There you go again! I knew you were that kind of fool. Those two are having a grand old time, just waiting for you to leave, and then they'll be together in Mistress Wang's room, and you still ask if it's true or false." When Wu the Elder heard this, he said, "Brother, I won't hide it from you: That woman goes to Mistress Wang's house every day to sew clothes, and when she comes back, her face is all red. I've had my suspicions. This fits! Now I'll leave my load here and go catch them in the act. What do you think?" Yun Ge said, "You're a grown man, but you have no sense. That old bitch Mistress Wang is so fierce and frightening—how could you get past her? Those three must have a signal. When they see you coming to catch them, they'll hide your wife away. And Ximen Qing is no pushover—he could beat twenty men like you. If you don't catch them, you'll just get a beating from him. Besides, he has money and influence. He could turn around and file a lawsuit against you, and you'd end up in a legal mess. With no one to back you up, you'd be finished." Wu the Elder said, "Brother, everything you say is right. But how can I get my revenge?" Yun Ge said, "I was beaten by that old bitch too, and I've got no way to vent. I'll teach you a trick: Go home a bit late today, don't make a fuss, don't show any sign, just act like usual. Tomorrow, make fewer cooked cakes to sell, and I'll wait for you at the mouth of the alley. If I see Ximen Qing go in, I'll come get you. You'll carry your load and wait nearby. I'll go provoke the old dog first, and she'll surely come to hit me. Then I'll throw my basket out into the street, and you'll rush over. I'll hold the old woman by the waist, and you'll dash straight into the room and start shouting for justice. What do you think of this plan?" Wu the Elder said, "If that's the case, I'm indebted to you, brother. I have a few strings of cash—I'll give them to you to buy rice. Come early tomorrow to the mouth of Purple Stone Street Alley and wait for me." Yun Ge took the cash and a few cooked cakes and left.

Wu the Elder paid for the wine, shouldered his load, went out to sell for a while, and then returned home.

Now this woman, in the past, had always cursed Wu the Elder and bullied him in every way, but lately, knowing she was in the wrong, she had to placate him a bit. A poem says:

Her wanton, lustful heart would never turn,

So she forced a false kindness in return.

Because next door she stole a paramour,

Her belly now a demon's seed would bore.

That evening, Wu the Elder shouldered his load and came home, acting just as usual, saying nothing. The woman said, "Husband, would you like to buy a cup of wine?" Wu the Elder said, "I just had three bowls with some other merchants." The woman prepared dinner for Wu the Elder, and after he ate, there was nothing more to say that night.

The next day after breakfast, Wu the Elder made only two or three trays of cooked cakes and placed them on his load. The woman, with her mind entirely on Ximen Qing, paid no attention to how many or how few Wu the Elder made. That day, Wu the Elder shouldered his load and went out to do business. The woman, eager for him to leave, slipped over to Mistress Wang's room to wait for Ximen Qing.

Now let's talk about Wu the Elder, who carried his load out to the mouth of Purple Stone Street Alley and met Yun Ge, who was carrying his basket and looking around. Wu the Elder said, "How is it?" Yun Ge said, "It's still early. Go sell your wares once first. He'll probably be along soon—just wait nearby." Wu the Elder went off like a flying cloud, sold his goods once, and came back. Yun Ge said, "Just watch—when I throw my basket out, you rush in." Wu the Elder put his load down somewhere and waited, but we'll say no more of that.

Now Yun Ge, carrying his basket, walked into the tea house and cursed, "You old bitch! Why did you hit me yesterday?" The old woman, with her temper unchanged, jumped up and shouted, "You little monkey! I've got nothing to do with you—why are you coming to curse me again?" Yun Ge said, "I'll curse you, you 'horse pimp,' you go-between! What the hell do you matter!" The old woman flew into a rage, grabbed Yun Ge, and started beating him. Yun Ge cried out, "You're hitting me!" and threw his basket out into the street. Just as the old woman was about to grab him again, the little monkey, as he yelled "You're hitting me," locked his arms around Mistress Wang's waist and butted his head straight into her lower belly. She almost fell, but the wall stopped her from toppling. The monkey held on to her, pressing her against the wall. Then Wu the Elder, baring his arms, strode straight into the tea house.

When the old woman saw Wu the Elder coming, she tried to block him, but the monkey was holding her fast and wouldn't let go. She could only shout, "Wu the Elder is here!" The woman in the room was in a flurry of panic; she ran over first and pushed the door shut. Ximen Qing crawled under the bed to hide. Wu the Elder rushed to the door and tried to push it open, but he couldn't budge it. He only shouted, "What a fine deed you're doing!" The woman held the door shut, trembling in panic, and said, "Usually you brag about your fine boxing skills like a bird's beak, but when the moment comes, you're useless. Even a paper tiger would make you fall down." These words from the woman were clearly meant to tell Ximen Qing to come out and beat Wu the Elder, clearing a way to escape. Ximen Qing, hearing her words from under the bed, was struck by the idea. He crawled out and said, "Wife, it's not that I'm useless—I just lost my wits for a moment." He then pulled open the door and shouted, "Don't hit him!" Wu the Elder was about to grab him, but Ximen Qing kicked out with his right foot. Wu the Elder was short, and the kick landed right in the pit of his stomach. He fell backward with a thud. Seeing Wu the Elder knocked down, Ximen Qing slipped away in the commotion. Yun Ge, seeing things had gone wrong, let go of Mistress Wang and ran off. All the neighbors knew Ximen Qing was formidable—who would dare to interfere?

Mistress Wang immediately helped Wu the Elder up from the ground. Seeing blood coming from his mouth and his face as yellow as wax, she called the woman out to bring a bowl of water. They revived him, then, supporting him on both sides, they helped him through the back door and up to the upper floor, where they put him to bed. Truly:

The three-inch dwarf had no skill or might,

While Ximen's stallion strength was a wondrous sight!

The husband was slain by the lover's hand,

And lust and poison together band.

That night, nothing more happened. The next day, Ximen Qing, having heard there was no trouble, came as before to be with the woman, just hoping that Wu the Elder would die on his own.

Wu Da was sick in bed for five days, unable to get up. Moreover, if he wanted soup, there was none; if he wanted water, there was none. Every day he called to the woman, but she would not answer. He also saw her heavily made up when she went out, and when she returned, her face was flushed red. Several times Wu Da was so angry he nearly fainted, but no one paid him any attention. Wu Da called his wife to him and said, “You’ve done a fine thing—I caught you red-handed in your adultery, yet you stirred up your lover to kick me in the chest, so that now I can neither live nor die, while you two go off and enjoy yourselves. It’s nothing if I die; I can’t contend with you anymore! But my brother Wu Er, you know his temper. If he comes back sooner or later, will he let this go easily? If you’ll take pity on me and attend to me quickly so I recover, when he returns, I’ll say nothing. But if you neglect me, when he comes back, I’ll have words with you then.”

When the woman heard this, she didn’t reply but turned around and told everything, in full detail, to Wang Po and Ximen Qing. When Ximen Qing heard it, it was as if he had been thrown into an ice cellar, and he said, “This is terrible! I know that Captain Wu, who killed the tiger on Jingyang Ridge, is the foremost hero in Qinghe County! Now I’ve been carrying on with you for so long, our hearts and inclinations united, but I never thought of this. Now that he’s said this, what can be done? This is dreadful!” Wang Po sneered and said, “I’ve never seen you as the steersman and me as the passenger; I’m not flustered, yet you’ve lost your head.” Ximen Qing said, “I’ve been a man in vain—come to such a pass, and I can’t manage it. Do you have any plan to cover for us?”

Wang Po said, “Do you want to be husband and wife for long, or for short?”

Ximen Qing said, “Godmother, tell me first: what is being husband and wife for long, and what for short?”

Wang Po said, “If it’s for short, you two should part today. Wait until Wu Da recovers, apologize to him, and when Wu Er returns, there will be nothing to say. Then when he’s sent away again on business, you can meet again—that’s being husband and wife for short. If you want to be husband and wife for long, to be together every day without fear or worry, I have a wonderful plan, but it’s hard to tell you.”

Ximen Qing said, “Godmother, help us out; we want to be husband and wife for long.”

Wang Po said, “This plan uses one thing that no one else’s house has—it’s naturally provided, and your house, Great Officer, has it.”

Ximen Qing said, “Even if you wanted my eyes, I’d gouge them out for you. What is it?”

Wang Po said, “Now that dwarf is gravely ill. Take advantage of his weakness, and it’s easy to act. Get some arsenic from your house, and have the lady herself buy a dose of medicine for heart pain. Mix the arsenic into it, and finish off that dwarf. Burn him to ashes, clean and without a trace. Even if Wu Er returns, what dare he do? As the saying goes: ‘A sister-in-law and brother-in-law do not inquire of each other.’ ‘At first marriage, follow your kin; at remarriage, follow yourself.’ How can a young brother-in-law interfere? In secret, you can carry on for half a year or a year. When the mourning period for the husband is over, the Great Officer can marry her and take her home. Won’t that be a long-lasting marriage, growing old together in joy?—What do you think of this plan?” Ximen Qing said, “Godmother, this plan is excellent. As the saying goes: ‘If you want to live happily, you must risk death.’ Enough, enough, enough! ‘Once begun, do not stop!’” Wang Po said, “Of course it’s good! This is to cut the grass and pull out the roots, so no shoots sprout; if you cut the grass but don’t pull the roots, when spring comes, the shoots will sprout again. Sir, go and fetch some arsenic, and I’ll teach the lady how to do it. When it’s done, you must reward me handsomely.” Ximen Qing said, “That’s natural; you don’t need to tell me.” There is a poem as evidence:

Lust for beauty would not cease,

Schemes sought only long-term peace.

Who knew Wu Er’s blade’s poison keen

Would surpass arsenic’s cruel sheen?

Soon after, Ximen Qing left and before long returned with a packet of arsenic, which he gave to Wang Po to keep. The old woman then looked at the lady and said, “Great Lady, I’ll teach you the method for administering the drug: Now Wu Da told you to take care of him, didn’t he? You must use a little tenderness to win him over. If he asks you for medicine, you mix this arsenic into the heart-pain remedy. When he feels the effects, you pour the medicine down his throat, then get up and move away. When the poison takes effect, his guts will surely burst, and he’ll let out a great cry. Then you cover him with the quilt so no one hears. Boil a pot of water beforehand and put a cloth in it. When the poison takes effect, blood will flow from his seven orifices, and his lips will show teeth marks from biting. Once he’s stopped breathing, lift the quilt, wipe away the bloodstains with the boiled cloth, put him in the coffin, and have him carried out and burned. What trouble can there be?” The woman said, “That’s fine, but my hands are too weak; I won’t be able to arrange the corpse on the spot.” Wang Po said, “That’s easy. You just tap on the wall, and I’ll come over to help you.” Ximen Qing said, “You two take care of it properly; I’ll come back for news at the fifth watch tomorrow.” With that, Ximen Qing left. Wang Po ground the arsenic into a fine powder with her fingers and gave it to the woman to take and hide.

The woman then turned back and went upstairs to look at Wu Da. He was barely breathing, on the verge of death. The woman sat by the bed and pretended to cry. Wu Da said, “Why are you crying?” The woman wiped her tears and said, “I was wrong for a moment, deceived by that scoundrel. Who would have thought he’d kick you like that! I’ve heard of a good medicine. I want to go buy it to cure you, but I’m afraid you’d suspect me and wouldn’t dare take it.” Wu Da said, “If you save my life, everything will be fine; it’ll all be forgiven, and I won’t hold a grudge. When Wu Er returns, I won’t mention it. Go quickly and buy the medicine to save me!”

The woman took some copper coins and went straight to Wang Po’s house to sit, and had Wang Po buy the medicine. She brought it upstairs, showed it to Wu Da, and said, “This heart-pain remedy—the doctor said you should take it in the middle of the night. After taking it, lie down with one or two quilts to sweat it out, and tomorrow you’ll be able to get up.” Wu Da said, “That’s good! Thank you, dear wife. Stay awake tonight and prepare it for me at midnight.” The woman said, “Just rest easy and sleep; I’ll take care of you.”

As it grew dark, the woman lit a lamp in the room. Downstairs, she first boiled a large pot of water and put a cloth in it to steep. Listening for the drum, it was exactly the third watch. The woman first poured the poison into a cup, then ladled a bowl of plain hot water and brought it upstairs, calling, “Elder Brother, where’s the medicine?” Wu Da said, “It’s under my mat by the pillow; hurry and mix it for me to take.” The woman lifted the mat, shook the medicine into the cup, put the medicine wrapper aside, and poured the hot water into the cup. She stirred it with the silver hairpin on her head until it was well mixed. With her left hand, she lifted Wu Da, and with her right hand, she poured the medicine into his mouth. Wu Da took a sip and said, “Dear wife, this medicine tastes terrible!” The woman said, “As long as it cures the illness, what does it matter if it’s hard to take?” When Wu Da took the second sip, the woman took the opportunity to pour it all down his throat in one go. Then she laid Wu Da down and hastily jumped off the bed. Wu Da groaned, “Ah!” and said, “Dear wife, after taking this medicine, my stomach is starting to hurt. This is bitter! Bitter! I can’t bear it!” The woman then pulled two quilts from the foot of the bed and covered him completely, head and face. Wu Da cried out, “I can’t breathe!” The woman said, “The doctor ordered me to make you sweat, so you’ll recover quickly.” When Wu Da tried to speak again, the woman, afraid he might struggle, jumped onto the bed, straddled Wu Da’s body, and pressed the quilt corners tightly with her hands, not letting them loosen at all. It was like:

His lungs and heart seared with oil,

His liver and bowels scorched with fire,

In his chest, a blade of snow pierced;

In his belly, steel knives churned wildly.

His whole body turned cold, blood flowed from seven orifices.

His jaws clenched tight, his three souls went to the city of the dead;

His throat dried up, his seven spirits sped to the Terrace of Longing.

Hell gained a new ghost of poisoned food;

The world of the living lost a man who caught adulterers.

Wu Da groaned twice, gasped for a while, his guts burst, and with a sigh, he was dead, his body motionless. The woman lifted the quilt, saw Wu Da with his teeth clenched and blood flowing from his seven orifices, and grew frightened. She had to jump off the bed and tap on the wall. Wang Po heard it, went to the back door, and coughed. The woman came downstairs and opened the back door. Wang Po asked, “Is it finished?” The woman said, “Finished, yes, but my hands and feet are weak; I can’t manage the corpse.” Wang Po said, “What’s so hard about that? I’ll help you finish it.”

The old woman then rolled up her sleeves, scooped a bucket of hot water, soaked a rag in it, and carried it upstairs. She lifted the coverlet, first wiped Wu Dalang’s mouth and lips, then cleaned the traces of dried blood from the seven orifices, and finally covered the corpse with the clothes. The two of them carried the body downstairs step by step, placed it on an old door panel on the ground floor, combed his hair, put on his headcloth and cap, dressed him, and fetched a pair of shoes and socks to put on him. They covered his face with a piece of white silk, chose a clean quilt to lay over the corpse, then went back upstairs and tidied everything up. The old woman Wang herself turned and went home.

The adulteress then burst into loud wails, pretending to mourn her husband. Listeners, take note: among all the women in the world, there are three kinds of weeping: weeping with tears and sound is called “crying,” weeping with tears but no sound is called “sobbing,” and weeping without tears but with sound is called “howling.” At that moment, the woman howled dry-eyed for half the night.

The next morning, at the fifth watch, before daylight, Ximen Qing came running to inquire about the news. Old woman Wang told him the details. Ximen Qing took out silver and gave it to Wang, telling her to buy a coffin and handle the funeral arrangements, then called the woman to consult together. The adulteress came over and said to Ximen Qing, “My Wu Dalang is dead today. I rely solely on you to take charge.” Ximen Qing said, “Do you even need to say that?” Old woman Wang said, “Only one matter is most urgent: the local constable and gravedigger, He Jiushu, is a meticulous man. I’m afraid he might see through the deception and refuse to encoffin the body.” Ximen Qing said, “That’s no trouble. I’ll instruct him myself. He wouldn’t dare disobey my words.” Old woman Wang said, “Sir, go and instruct him at once. Don’t delay.” Ximen Qing left.

When it was fully daylight, Old woman Wang bought the coffin, along with some incense, candles, and paper money, and returned to make a bowl of gruel for the woman, lighting a lamp for the spirit. Neighbors and folk from the lane came to offer condolences and ask after her. The woman dabbed at her painted face and feigned weeping. The neighbors asked, “What illness did Wu Dalang die of?” The adulteress replied, “He suffered from heart pain, which worsened day by day until there was no hope. Last night, at the third watch, he unhappily passed away.” She then sobbed and sniffled in pretended grief. The neighbors clearly knew the man’s death was suspicious, but dared not press her; they only offered conventional comfort, saying, “The dead are gone, and the living must carry on. Madam, spare yourself some sorrow.” The woman had to feign thanks, and everyone went their separate ways. Old woman Wang fetched the coffin and went to summon Gravedigger He Jiushu. She bought all the items needed for encoffining and all the household necessities. She also hired two monks to keep vigil over the spirit that evening. After a while, He Jiushu first sent a few underlings to prepare things.

Now, He Jiushu, at about nine in the morning, strolled out slowly and reached the entrance of Purple Stone Lane, where he met Ximen Qing, who called out, “Where is Uncle Nine going?” He Jiushu replied, “I’m just going ahead to encoffin the corpse of Wu Dalang, the seller of steamed buns.” Ximen Qing said, “Step aside for a word.” He Jiushu followed Ximen Qing to a small tavern at the corner, where they sat down in a private room. Ximen Qing said, “Uncle Nine, please take the seat of honor.” He Jiushu said, “What sort of person am I, to dare sit with you, sir?” Ximen Qing said, “Uncle Nine, why be so formal? Please sit.” The two sat down, and Ximen Qing ordered a bottle of good wine. The waiter set out dishes of vegetables, fruits, and other relishes, and poured the wine. He Jiushu grew suspicious, thinking, “This man has never drunk with me before. There must be something behind this cup of wine.” After they had drunk for half an hour, Ximen Qing pulled a ten-tael silver ingot from his sleeve and placed it on the table, saying, “Uncle Nine, don’t think it too little; there’ll be further reward tomorrow.” He Jiushu clasped his hands and said, “I have done nothing to deserve this. How dare I accept silver bestowed by you, sir? Even if you had some task for me, I wouldn’t dare take it.” Ximen Qing said, “Uncle Nine, don’t be so standoffish. Accept it, then we’ll talk.” He Jiushu said, “Sir, just say what you have to say; I’m listening.” Ximen Qing said, “It’s nothing else. Later, his household will also have some hard-earned money. But for now, when you encoffin Wu Da’s corpse, handle everything discreetly. Cover it all up with a brocade quilt, as it were, and don’t say anything else.” He Jiushu said, “Is that all? Such a small matter—why should I dare accept your silver?” Ximen Qing said, “If you don’t take it, Uncle Nine, you’re refusing me.” Now, He Jiushu had always feared Ximen Qing as a cunning rogue who had the authorities in his pocket, so he had no choice but to accept the silver. The two drank a few more cups, and Ximen Qing told the waiter to put it on his tab, to be collected tomorrow from the shop. They went downstairs together and left the tavern. Ximen Qing said, “Uncle Nine, keep this in your heart and don’t let it leak. Another day, there will be further recompense.” Having said this, he walked straight away.

He Jiushu was puzzled and thought to himself, “This is strange! I’m just going to encoffin Wu Dalang’s corpse—why does he give me so much silver? … This matter must have something behind it.” When he arrived at Wu Dalang’s door, the several underlings were waiting at the entrance. He Jiushu asked, “What illness did this Wu Dalang die of?” The underlings replied, “His household says he died of heart pain.” He Jiushu lifted the curtain and entered. Old woman Wang greeted him, saying, “I’ve been waiting for you, uncle, for quite a while.” He Jiushu replied, “I was held up by some small matters; I’m a step late.” Wu Dalang’s wife, dressed in plain clothes, came out from inside, weeping in pretense. He Jiushu said, “Madam, spare yourself sorrow. It’s sad that your husband has gone to heaven!” The woman dabbed at her tearful eyes and said, “Words cannot express it! I never thought my husband’s heart ailment would kill him in just a few days, leaving me in such misery.” He Jiushu looked her up and down, and muttered to himself, “I’ve heard of Wu Da’s wife but never met her. So Wu Da married this woman! Ximen Qing’s ten taels of silver—there’s something to it.” He Jiushu then looked at Wu Dalang’s corpse. He lifted the mourning banner, pulled aside the white silk, and fixed his gaze with eyes sharp as the five wheels and eight treasures, endowed with two drops of divine water. Staring intently, He Jiushu let out a loud cry, fell backward, and spewed blood from his mouth. His nails turned blue, his lips purple, his face yellow, his eyes without luster. Truly, his body was like the moon at the fifth watch clinging to the mountain, and his life like a lamp at the third watch running out of oil. As for whether He Jiushu would live or die, listen to the next chapter for the explanation.