Chapter 29: Shi En Recaptures Mengzhou Road; Wu Song Drunkenly Beats the Local Bully Jiang
Chapter 29: Shi En Regains His Sway on Mengzhou Road; Wu Song, Drunk, Beats the Door God Jiang
As the story goes, Shi En stepped forward and said, “Elder brother, please be seated, and allow your younger brother to tell you the full truth of the matter.” Wu Song replied, “Junior warden, don’t be so refined and roundabout—just speak directly of the essential points.”
Shi En said, “I learned some staff and spear techniques from a master on the rivers and lakes when I was young, and throughout Mengzhou they gave me the nickname ‘Golden-Eyed Tiger.’ Outside the east gate here there is a marketplace called Happy Grove. Merchants from Shandong and Hebei all come there to do business—there are over a hundred large inns and twenty or thirty gambling houses and pawnshops. In the past, relying partly on my own skills and partly on the eighty or ninety condemned prisoners I could command in the garrison, I opened a wine and meat shop there, and gave shares to all the innkeepers and gambling house owners. Whenever traveling prostitutes came to that place, they had to pay respects to me first before they were allowed to ply their trade. Every day, in all those establishments, there was idle money to be had; at the end of the month I could scrape together two or three hundred taels of silver. This was how I made my profit. But recently, a certain Military Instructor Zhang, newly arrived from the eastern prefecture, brought a man with him into this garrison. That scoundrel’s surname is Jiang, his given name Zhong, and he stands over nine feet tall. For this reason, the rivers and lakes folk gave him the nickname ‘Door God Jiang.’ Not only is he huge, but he also has real skill—he handles spear and staff well, and he excels at kicking and punching, especially at wrestling. He boasts loudly, saying, ‘At the Tai Mountain competition three years ago, I had no match. Under heaven, there is no one like me!’ So he came to seize my livelihood. I wouldn’t let him have it, and that bastard gave me a beating with his fists and feet that kept me in bed for two months. When you arrived the other day, Elder Brother, I still had my head bandaged and my hands wrapped; even now the scars haven’t healed. I originally wanted to muster men and fight him, but he has that whole squad of regular soldiers under Military Instructor Zhang. If it turned into a brawl, the garrison would first find me in the wrong. This is an endless hatred I cannot avenge. I have long heard that you are a true man. How I wish you could vent this boundless grievance for me! Then I could die with my eyes closed. But I feared that after your long journey you were still tired, your strength not yet recovered. So I told you to rest for half a year or three months, until your health and vigor were fully restored, before discussing it. I never expected that a careless servant would blurt it out. Now I must tell you the truth.”
When Wu Song heard this, he laughed heartily and asked, “Does this ‘Door God Jiang’ have several heads and several arms?” Shi En said, “He has only one head and two arms—how could he have more?” Wu Song laughed and said, “I thought he had three heads and six arms, with the skill of Nezha, in which case I’d be afraid of him. But since he has only one head and two arms, and doesn’t look like Nezha at all, why should I fear him?” Shi En said, “It’s just that I’m weak and my skill is shallow—I can’t match him.” Wu Song said, “I’m not boasting, but with the skill in my chest, I’ve spent my life beating only tough guys under heaven who don’t know morality. Since it’s as you say, what are we doing sitting here? If there’s any wine, let’s take it along and drink on the road. I’ll go with you right now and see if I can finish off that scoundrel like a tiger. If my fist is too heavy and I kill him, I’ll pay with my own life.” Shi En said, “Elder brother, sit a while longer. Let my father come out to meet you first. We’ll act when it’s proper—I dare not be hasty. Tomorrow, let me send someone to scout the place first. If he’s at home, we’ll go the day after; if he’s not, we’ll figure it out then. It won’t do to ‘beat the grass and startle the snake’ for nothing, only to let him get the advantage of us.” Wu Song grew impatient and said, “Junior warden, so you understand why he beat you? This is no way for a real man to act! If we’re going, let’s go! What’s all this about today or tomorrow? If we want to go, let’s leave—who cares if he’s prepared?”
While he was being urged but would not listen, the old warden appeared from behind the screen and called out, “Righteous man, I’ve been listening to you for quite a while. Today I am fortunate to meet you face to face—my foolish son feels as if the clouds have parted and he sees the sun. Please come to the rear hall for a short talk.” Wu Song followed him inside. The old warden said, “Righteous man, please sit.” Wu Song said, “I am but a convict—how dare I sit before you, sir?” The old warden replied, “Righteous man, do not speak so. My foolish son is most fortunate to meet you. Why be so modest?” When Wu Song heard this, he made an apologetic bow and sat opposite him. Shi En stood before them. Wu Song said, “Junior warden, why are you standing?” Shi En said, “My father is here to accompany you; Elder Brother, please make yourself at ease.” Wu Song said, “If that’s the case, I’ll feel uncomfortable.” The old warden said, “Since the righteous man feels this way, and there are no outsiders here,” and he told Shi En to sit down as well. Servants brought out wine, dishes, fruits, and platters, and the old warden personally filled Wu Song’s cup, saying, “With such heroism, righteous man, who would not admire you? My son originally did some business in Happy Grove—not out of greed for money, but truly to add splendor to Mengzhou and enhance its chivalrous spirit. Unexpectedly, that ‘Door God Jiang’ now relies on his power and arrogance to brazenly seize that place. Without a hero like you, this grievance cannot be avenged. If you do not disdain my foolish son, drink this cup to the bottom, and allow him to bow four times, taking you as his elder brother, to express his respect.” Wu Song replied, “What talent or learning do I have? How dare I accept the junior warden’s courtesy? It would waste my meager fortune!” After drinking the wine, Shi En bowed his head and performed four kowtows. Wu Song quickly returned the courtesy, and they became sworn brothers. That day, Wu Song drank joyfully and became very drunk. He was helped to a room to rest, and we say no more of that.
The next day, Shi En and his father discussed the matter: “Wu Song was dead drunk last night—he must be suffering from the wine. How dare we let him go today? Let’s say we sent someone to scout and found the man not at home. We’ll delay a day and then decide.” That day, Shi En came to see Wu Song and said, “We can’t go today. I’ve sent someone to scout, and that scoundrel isn’t at home. Tomorrow after breakfast, I’ll invite you to go, Elder Brother.” Wu Song said, “Going tomorrow is fine, but it annoys me to have to wait another day.” After breakfast and some tea, Shi En and Wu Song took a leisurely stroll outside the garrison. Returning to the guest room, they discussed spear techniques and compared boxing and staff methods. When noon came, Shi En invited Wu Song home and offered him only a few cups of wine, though the accompanying dishes and appetizers were countless. Wu Song wanted to drink, but noticing that Shi En only kept plying him with food, he felt uneasy in his heart. After the midday meal, he rose and took his leave, returning to the guest room to sit. Then the two servants came again to attend to his bath. Wu Song asked, “Why did your young master only serve me meat dishes today and not bring out more wine for me to drink? What’s the reason?” The servant replied, “I dare not hide it from you, Captain. This morning the old warden and the young warden discussed it. Today they originally wanted to ask you to go, but they feared that after last night’s heavy drinking you might still be suffering from the wine, which could spoil the important business. That’s why they didn’t dare bring out wine. Tomorrow they intend to ask you to go handle the real matter.” Wu Song said, “So you think I’m drunk and would ruin your important affair?” The servant replied, “That was exactly their thinking.”
That night, Wu Song wished for dawn to come quickly. He rose early, washed and groomed himself, and put on a headcloth with a ten-thousand-character pattern, a coarse earth-colored shirt, a red silk sash tied around his waist, leggings and knee guards, and a pair of eight-strap hempen sandals. He asked for a small plaster to cover the golden stamp on his face. Shi En came early to invite him to his home for breakfast. After Wu Song had eaten tea and a meal, Shi En said, “There is a horse in the stable; I have it saddled for you to ride.” Wu Song replied, “I’m not crippled in the feet—why ride a horse? Just grant me one condition.” Shi En said, “Brother, speak freely; how would I dare not comply?” Wu Song said, “When you and I go out of the city, you must only allow me ‘no three cups, no passing the sign.’” Shi En asked, “Elder brother, what is ‘no three cups, no passing the sign’? Your younger brother doesn’t understand the meaning.” Wu Song laughed and said, “I’ll tell you: when you want to beat ‘Jiang the Gate God,’ as soon as we leave the city, whenever we encounter a tavern, you must invite me to drink three bowls of wine. If there aren’t three bowls, I won’t pass the sign. That’s what ‘no three cups, no passing the sign’ means.” Shi En thought to himself, “The Happy Grove is fourteen or fifteen li from the East Gate. Reckoning, there are about twelve or thirteen wine-selling houses. If we drink three bowls at each, that’s thirty-five or thirty-six bowls before we get there. I fear brother will be drunk; how can he act?” Wu Song laughed heartily and said, “You fear I’ll be drunk and lack skill? But it’s precisely without wine that I have no skill. With one measure of wine, I have one measure of skill; with five measures, five measures. If I drink ten measures of wine, this strength comes from I know not where. If I weren’t bold when drunk, how could I have beaten that tiger on Jingyang Ridge? At that time, I was thoroughly drunk before I could strike—strong and powerful.” Shi En said, “I didn’t know brother was like this. There’s plenty of good wine at home; I was afraid you’d get drunk and spoil the business, so last night I didn’t dare bring out wine and invite you to drink more. Since you’re even more skilled after drinking, I’ll first send two servants to carry our own good wine, fruits, and dishes ahead to wait on the road, and then I’ll slowly drink along with you as we go.” Wu Song said, “That suits me perfectly! Going to beat ‘Jiang the Gate God’ will also give me some courage. Without wine, how can I use my skill? I guarantee that today I’ll knock that fellow down and make everyone have a good laugh!” Shi En then prepared everything, called two servants, and had them carry a food basket and wine load ahead, taking some copper coins. The old steward also secretly selected a score of sturdy strong men, who slowly followed behind to provide support—all were instructed.
Now, Shi En and Wu Song, the two of them, left Anping Stockade and went out of the East Gate of Mengzhou. After walking three or five hundred paces, they saw by the official road a tavern, with a wine flag raised before the eaves. The two servants carrying the food loads were already waiting there. Shi En invited Wu Song to sit down inside; the servants had already set out the dishes and strained the wine. Wu Song said, “Don’t use small cups. Pour it in large bowls, but only fill three bowls.” The servants set down large bowls and poured the wine. Wu Song did not decline politely but drank three bowls in succession and then stood up. The servants hurriedly gathered the utensils and rushed ahead. Wu Song laughed and said, “That just got things moving inside my belly—let’s go.” The two left this tavern and went out the door. It was now the seventh month, the summer heat not yet faded, and the autumn wind just beginning. They loosened their collars and had walked less than a li when they came to a place, neither village nor town, and soon saw another wine flag raised high in the woods. When they reached the thicket of trees and looked, it was a small village tavern selling rustic wine. There appeared:
An ancient road in a hamlet, a tavern by the stream. Willow shade dense outside the gate, lotus flowers charming in the pond. The wine flag fluttered in the autumn breeze; short reed screens shielded the scorching sun. On the earthenware shelf, cold and clear, village wine was stored; before the earthenware stove, fragrantly steaming, new home-brewed wine was being prepared. It might not open its jars to perfume ten li, but it would surely make three neighboring houses drunk through the walls.
At that time, Shi En and Wu Song came before the door of this village tavern. Shi En stopped and asked, “This is a rustic wine tavern—will brother drink here?” Wu Song said, “Whether sour, salty, bitter, or astringent, as long as it’s wine, I have to drink three bowls. If there aren’t three bowls, I won’t pass the screen.” The two entered and sat down; the servants set out fruit and accompaniments. Wu Song drank three bowls in succession and then stood up to leave. The servants hastily packed up the household utensils and rushed ahead. The two left the tavern and walked less than another li when they saw another tavern on the road. Wu Song went in, drank three bowls, and left again. To cut the story short: Wu Song and Shi En walked together, and whenever they encountered a tavern, they went in and drank three bowls. They had probably passed through ten or so fine taverns. When Shi En looked at Wu Song, he was not very drunk. Wu Song asked Shi En, “How much farther is it to the Happy Grove from here?” Shi En said, “It’s not far. If you look ahead in the distance, that grove is it.” Wu Song said, “Since we’re almost there, you go and wait somewhere else. I’ll find him myself.” Shi En said, “That’s best. Your younger brother has his own place to stay. I hope you’ll be careful, brother, and by no means underestimate the enemy.” Wu Song said, “No worry about that. Just have the servants see me on. If there’s another tavern ahead, I still want to drink.” Shi En told the servants to continue escorting Wu Song, and Shi En himself went off.
Wu Song walked less than three or four li more and drank another ten or so bowls of wine. It was now the noon hour, the weather was hot, but there was a slight breeze. Wu Song’s drunkenness surged up, and he opened his shirt. Though he was only five or seven parts drunk, he pretended to be thoroughly drunk, staggering forward and back, reeling left and right. When he came before the grove, the servant pointed and said, “Right ahead at the T-shaped intersection is ‘Jiang the Gate God’s’ tavern.” Wu Song said, “Since we’re here, hide yourself far off. When I’ve knocked him down, you can come.”
Wu Song rushed behind the grove and saw a giant of a man, like a vajra, wearing a white linen shirt, sitting on a folding armchair, holding a fly-whisk, and cooling himself under a green locust tree. When Wu Song looked at the man, what was his appearance? But see:
His features were ugly, his appearance coarse. A body covered with purple flesh spread wide, several blue veins bulging. A yellow beard curled slanting, a breeze rising around his lips; strange eyes wide open, a pair of stars flashing beneath his brows. Truly, he resembled the gods Shentu and Yulei, but he was no towering man of the earth.
Wu Song, pretending to be mad-drunk, squinted and glanced at him, thinking to himself, “This big fellow must be ‘Jiang the Gate God.’” He strode straight over.
After walking less than thirty or fifty paces, he soon saw a large tavern at the T-shaped intersection. Before the eaves stood a pole with a wine banner hanging, bearing four large characters: “Scenery and Moon of Heyang.” Turning to look, there were green lacquered railings in front, with two gilded flags inserted, each with five gold characters reading: “Within drunkenness, heaven and earth are vast; in the pot, the sun and moon are long.” On one side were a meat block, a chopping board, and knives; on the other, a stove and firewood for steaming buns. Inside, three large wine jars were lined up, half-buried in the ground, each with more than half a jar of wine. In the center was a counter, and behind it sat a young woman—the concubine Jiang the Gate God had newly married when he first came to Mengzhou, originally a prostitute who sang all kinds of operatic tunes in the West Tile Market. What was this woman’s appearance?
Her brows were like green mountain peaks, her eyes revealed autumn ripples. Her cherry lips were faintly tinged with red; her spring-onion fingers gently displayed tender jade. Her small cap was adorned with fish scales, setting off her dark clouds of hair; her narrow sleeves were skillfully dyed with pomegranate flowers, thinly veiling her snowy skin. Gold hairpins shaped like phoenixes, bracelets coiled like dragons. She could make Cui Hu come seeking water, as if Wenjun were selling wine again.
Wu Song looked at her, stared with drunken eyes, and strode straight into the tavern. He went to a seat opposite the counter and sat down. He pressed both hands on the table and stared without blinking at the woman. When the woman saw this, she turned her head away and looked elsewhere.
Wu Song surveyed the tavern; there were five or seven waiters on duty. Wu Song knocked on the table and called out, “Where is the master who sells wine?” A head waiter came over, looked at Wu Song, and said, “How much wine does the guest want?” Wu Song said, “Draw two measures. First, bring some for me to taste.” The waiter went to the counter and told the woman to draw two measures of wine, pour them into a bucket, and ladle out a bowl, then came over and said, “Guest, taste the wine.” Wu Song picked it up, smelled it, shook his head, and said, “Not good, not good—change it!”
The waiter, seeing he was drunk, went to the counter and said, “Madam, just exchange it for something else.” The woman took it, poured out the wine, and drew more superior wine. The waiter took it, ladled out another bowl, and brought it over. Wu Song lifted it, took a sip, and called out, “This wine is no good either—quickly change it, and I’ll spare you!”
The waiter swallowed his anger, took the wine, and went to the counter, saying, "Madam, just exchange some better wine for him, don't bother arguing with him. This guest is drunk and just looking for trouble; give him some fine wine and be done with it." The woman again ladled out a measure of top-grade wine for the waiter, who placed the wine bucket before Wu Song and poured him another bowl. Wu Song drank and said, "This wine is somewhat passable." He asked, "Waiter, what is your master's surname?" The waiter replied, "His surname is Jiang." Wu Song said, "Why isn't it Li?" When the woman heard this, she said, "This fellow isn't drunk at all—he's come here to pick a fight!" The waiter said, "He's obviously some uncouth barbarian from another region who doesn't know any better. Don't listen to his nonsense!" Wu Song asked, "What did you say?" The waiter replied, "We were just talking among ourselves, guest. Don't mind us, just keep drinking."
Wu Song said, "Waiter, tell that woman at the counter to come down and drink with me." The waiter shouted, "Don't talk nonsense! That is the master's wife." Wu Song said, "So what if she's the master's wife? It wouldn't hurt for her to drink with me!" The woman flew into a rage and cursed, "You murderer! Damned villain!" Pushing herself away from the counter, she prepared to rush out.
Wu Song had already stripped off his earth-colored linen shirt, tucking the upper half into his belt. He dashed the bucket of wine to the ground, splashing it everywhere, and burst behind the counter, just in time to seize the woman. With Wu Song's great strength, the woman could not break free. He grabbed her around the waist with one hand, crushed her headdress to pieces with the other, seized her by the hair, and lifted her over the counter, tossing her straight into the wine vat. With a loud splash, the poor woman was plunged headlong into the large vat of wine. Wu Song leaped out from behind the counter. Several waiters on duty, the quicker ones, rushed at Wu Song. Wu Song reached out, lightly grabbed one, and with both hands, tossed him into the large wine vat, where he landed inside. Another waiter charged; Wu Song seized him by the head and flung him into the vat as well. Two more waiters came, but Wu Song knocked them down with a punch and a kick. The first three men, struggling in the three wine vats, could not get up. The other two lay on the ground, unable to move. These ruffian employees were beaten until they fled in terror, with urine and feces streaming; the cleverest one escaped. Wu Song said, "That fellow must have gone to report to Jiang the Door God. I'll meet him on the road and knock him down in public—that will make a fine spectacle for everyone to laugh at." Wu Song strode out with big steps.
That rascal ran straight to inform Jiang the Door God. When Jiang heard the news, he was startled, kicked over his armchair, threw away his fly whisk, and rushed out. Wu Song met him head-on, right on the broad road. Though Jiang was tall and sturdy, he had recently been weakened by wine and women, his body drained. Startled from the start, he charged forward without pausing his steps, but how could he compare to Wu Song, who was as robust as a tiger, especially since Wu Song had planned to take him down? When Jiang saw Wu Song, he first thought to take advantage of his drunkenness and rushed straight at him. In the blink of an eye, Wu Song feinted with both fists toward Jiang's face, then suddenly turned and ran. Jiang, enraged, gave chase. Wu Song lashed out with a flying kick, striking Jiang right in the lower abdomen. Jiang clutched his belly with both hands and crouched down. Wu Song spun around, and his right foot, already in motion, flew up and struck Jiang squarely on the forehead. Jiang toppled backward. Wu Song stepped forward, planted his foot on Jiang's chest, raised his fist—the size of a vinegar jar—and began pounding Jiang's face. This was the technique previously described for beating Jiang the Door God: first feint with the fists, then turn, then launch the left foot in a flying kick; after striking, spin around and launch the right foot. This move was called the "Jade Ring Step, Mandarin Duck Kick." This was Wu Song's lifelong true skill, no trivial matter. He beat Jiang until the man lay on the ground begging for mercy. Wu Song roared, "If I'm to spare your life, you must agree to three conditions." Jiang cried out from the ground, "Spare me, good hero! Not just three, but three hundred, I'll agree to them all!" Wu Song pointed at Jiang and stated the three conditions. As a result, there would be a change of face and a search for a master, a shaving of the hair to the eyebrows to go and kill. After all, what were the three conditions Wu Song spoke of? Hear that in the next chapter.